Ruadh gu brath - Redheads Forever

10 years of wedded bliss

2011-08-04T07:13:00.005-04:00

I dug out one of my old journals from 2001 last night and read the entries from the days leading up to my wedding on August 4th. I smiled at my thoughts of excitement, anticipation and the worry that it would rain. We had an out door wedding with absolutely no plan B. Thank goodness Gerry, Marc's grandfather who had passed away earlier that year, was listening to my prayers. He turned up the heat, WAY up. It turned out to be the hottest day of the summer, a balmy 43 degrees. The humidex killed my curls but the girls at Rapunzel in Gananoque still did a wonderful job.

I remember Kir Royales shared with my girls, the photographer arriving early, the Minister not showing up at all and finally the vows over looking the water at the Glen House. The day flew by celebrating with family and friends, up until 4:30 am, drinking and dancing and then when the day came to an end, Marc lovingly removed 98 bobby pins from my hair.

My journal entry a year later was about celebrating our 1st anniversary at the same spot, eating melt in your mouth salmon and steak. We took a picture of us on the dock. In the exact same spot where we stood a year before. I had wrote that there was another couple getting married that day and that I felt sad knowing I would never do it again.

My last sentence in that entry was "I truly hope we are as happy 25 years from now as we are today". Well, I am happy to tell you there are 10 down, 15 to go. With all the love and life we've had in the past 10 I am truly optimistic for the next 15 and beyond.

And, years from now, with a thousand happy moments behind us and 2 hearts filled with lasting memories, when people ask how long we've been married I will tell them not long enough.

A Mothers love

2011-05-08T06:47:00.003-04:00

Last night as I held my children close while we watched a movie I began thinking how quickly time was passing. They are growing up too fast and I wish I could push pause on them, just for a while, so that I could hold them close like that for a little longer.

I started wondering will they ever know how much I love them. Will they ever understand the depth of emotion and worry I have for them?

Then I thought, did my mom ever wonder that when we were little? Of course she did, she's a mom after all.

Well Mom, in case you are still wondering, the answer is yes, I do know how much.

xoxo

Going back in time

2011-05-01T09:32:00.001-04:00

Recently, I was asked by a friend whether or not I would go back in time to re-live a moment, not to change what happened but to just be in a moment in time again. I didn't hesitate to respond, the only moments in life that I would love to revisit are:

1. The day I married the only man I've ever loved
2. The birth of my son
3. The birth of my daughter

Upon deeper reflection I remembered a hundred more memories that gave me much joy and happiness. When Marc proposed, buying our first home, when that pregnancy stick was finally positive, getting that job I wanted so badly, meeting a new friend, reconnecting with an old one, enjoying a hot cup of coffee outside on a quiet, warm morning, a walk in the woods on an autumn day, a compliment given by someone I long admired, finding a lipstick in the perfect shade. Such simple, mundane things to some but such wonderful memories for me.

A very wise man once said to me that you only get one kick at the can and as time passes you will wish you could go back to do things differently. Do it right the first time and you won't wish to do it all again.

No truer words were spoken but it is much easier said than done. However, today, I fully intend to add to the list of my moments in time that I wish to revisit. I am going to start writing them down. For when this time has passed and perhaps am wishing to have it back to do it "right", I can relive these moments and remind myself that I had it pretty good the first time.

A day without sunshine is like...night.

2011-04-08T11:39:00.000-04:00

I really had no idea what to title this post so I went with these clever words. Funny eh?

A few nights ago at bedtime Aiden asked me what I thought heaven looked like. I wasn't sure how to respond so I went with the oldest trick in the book. Answer a question with a question.

What do you think it looks like? I asked

He thought that there would be a lot of clouds and everyone would have their own tv and you could watch as much as you wanted. And you never needed to sleep and you could play with your friends all the time, even at midnight.

I told him I liked his vision and I added that you could probably have candy for dinner every night and never get a cavity.

After a few minutes of silence he then told me he was a little worried that heaven wasn't like that at. He was scared that people just go to sleep and there was nothing except dreams in your head forever.

(....seriously, where does he get this stuff??)

I tried to explain to him that Heaven is a mysterious place and no one really knows what it's like. I told him that I believed why we don't know anything about it because all the angels are so busy having a good time up there watching tv and playing with their friends that they forget to come and tell us back on earth what it's like.

You know, I said, kind of like when you are watching tv or playing with your friends and I call you for dinner and you don't come because you are having way too much fun.

There was a very long silent moment after that and it seemed to stretch forever. So I started thinking this (and more) "OH MY GOD, what did I just say to traumatize him, why isn't he responding? I am SO screwing up my son...why don't I think carefully about my words before I speak to him about such a delicate topic? oh god, oh god...maybe I should have just dropped it, why did I have to add anything?? He's gonna need therapy for this. Should I say anything? Why isn't HE saying anything? What if I've upset him. How am I going to fix this?"

Mom?

Yes...(gulp)

If I come to dinner tomorrow when you call the first time can I have candy for dessert?

My thought process = Mom worry x 40 years
Aiden's thought process = Candy x almost 8 years.
Big difference.

What rhymes with funny?

2011-03-25T07:56:00.004-04:00

Aiden got in trouble for swearing at school. He tells me it was a complete accident while he and his friends were playing a rhyming game. He had to find rhyming words for “chuck it”. I almost peed I laughed so hard. Parenting at its best.

So, being the kind of parents we are, Marc and I spent most of dinner telling him what other words he should be very careful with when it came to rhyming. Pluck, duck, gas, lit, fit….you get the idea. We thought making light of the situation would be better than punishing him for his mistake. Not so sure that was the wisest thing to do as dinner ended with these words.

“Mom, do I have to eat my plucking vegetables?”

Just breathe

2011-03-22T14:55:00.004-04:00

The world is dark but surprisingly busy at 6:30 in the morning as I drive through downtown O-town to get to work. This morning was no different. Except for a bit of road rage from a middle age woman who had perfectly coiffed hair. She made it pretty clear that she was very important and her destination was far more important than anyone else.

And she was angry. I saw her middle finger go up and she was waving it around like it was a weapon.

I wonder if she had as good a day as I did. Probably not. I think anyone who starts the day with that much anger and frustration probably carried it with her for the entire day. She spent 100 times more energy on her commute this morning than I did on my daily run.

Poor her. I hope her drive home is better. For all our sakes.

Busy, busy bee

2011-03-21T11:00:00.000-04:00

It has been a very long time since I checked in here. There has been a lot going in with me personally and the Plante Family in the past 9 months. I guess it’s too late to wish you a Happy Canada Day, Happy Halloween, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Valentines, or a Happy St. Patricks Day.

But…

I’m doing it anyway. Better late than never.

However, I can wish you a timely Happy First Day of Spring..

And, it’s snowing.

Yuck.

Lucky number 7

2010-06-08T12:36:00.005-04:00

My life changed drastically 7 years ago today when, my son, Aiden was born. He was my first born and he had my heart from day one. I mean literally had my heart the second 2 pink stripes appeared on that pee stick I was completely in love with him.

I would like to tell you something about him in honour of this day.

He is so incredibly creative and imaginative. He loves to develop and write stories with characters in it that can only come from his ideas and thoughts.

The art that he creates, be it a picture he draws or a costume he creates, you can be sure that every detail is thought of, from spectacular laser beam guns to the extra powerful goggles that can see all the way to China.

He loves to make up games and comes up with names and rules for all of them sometimes not even taking a breath or a moment to think about it. You have to pay attention when you are playing though. New rules are added or the old rules change at the blink of an eye as the game progresses (He does own the intellectual property on them so he’s entitled).

He likes to make ‘potions’ and create things in the kitchen that Julia Child would be proud of. He is not afraid to try different things just to see what happens. He usually has me on the edge of my seat waiting for the strange reaction he is so convinced will happen.

Aiden leaves a wake of destruction behind when he is in his creative mode. It always amazes me how one little boy can leave such a mess behind. He writes one story or draws one picture and it looks like a bomb went off in the room he’s working in. Don’t even get me started on the kitchen after he’s made dessert, following the recipe in his head of course. As much as I dislike the mess now I know that it will one day, all too soon, be gone. Probably long before I am prepared for or want it to.

His creativity is but just one thing that makes up the gorgeous but complex little boy with brown hair and freckles living in my house. Trust me, I could go on, in great detail about him and all the wonder and joy he brings to us. 

As I tucked him into bed last night I asked if his last day as a 6 year old was a good one. He confided in me that he wishes he could be 6 just a little longer.

As I kissed my 7 year old goodbye this morning, so did I.

Happy birthday to my beautiful boy. May 7 be your luckiest and best year ever!

My goodbye to you

2010-05-28T10:11:00.004-04:00

A man who I considered a friend is no longer on this earth. He died last night after a short but brave battle with cancer. He is the very first person I knew who was my age to die. Strange.

In his wake, he leaves behind many people who love him. People who will always love him and mourn him for a very long time. Ross Robertson is not a person who you quickly forget.

I remember the first time I met him, a young handsome man with a devilish smile and a wicked sense of humour. He fell in love and married my best friend and I was lucky to know him for a time. He raised my friends daughter, my beautiful god daughter, like she was his own. He loved her fiercely and completely, regardless of DNA. She felt the same way. My heart aches for her and her pain today.

He was self taught musically and could play any song on any instrument just by ear. He made up funny songs that made you laugh and leave you waiting for the next lyrical jingle he would create. He loved his family and friends. He loved to spend time in the garage ‘tinkering’ with his sleds. Marc spent hours in there with him when we visited, we knew there wasn’t a lot of tinkering going on, just beer drinking and laughing, but I know Marc is happy to have those memories of a man he considered his friend.

Sadly, their marriage ended about 2 years ago. It ended as amicably as it could have and with respect for one another but, as often with failed marriages, you leave with the person who was your friend prior to that relationship. I haven’t seen or spoken to Ross in that time. Not because I wanted the friendship to end, but because it was just awkward and strange for us to continue it. Neither of us knew how to maintain a friendship with so much baggage, so we let it go. Now, I am wishing I had just one moment back to tell him what a wonderful person he was. How amazing I think he is for taking in that little girl 16 years ago and loving her the way he did. Regardless of his faults, which we all have as human beings, I am grateful to him for the laughter and friendship we had. I am grateful for the memories of the weekends spent at his camp around the campfire. He always welcomed us with a drink and a smile. We never felt unwanted or uninvited in his home. There was always room. I am grateful to him for letting me be such a big part of his wedding day. It was beautiful and we danced under the stars that night. Regardless of how it all ended it started with nothing but love.

This is my goodbye and although you may never know it, I wish I had reached out to you 2 years ago to let you know I still thought of you as a friend. Life is full of regrets, this is one of mine.

May they have beer and guitars in heaven and may you always know peace.

Happy birthday baby girl

2010-05-18T09:30:00.008-04:00

2 years ago today on a sunny spring morning my little girl entered this world and it has irrevocably changed my life.

I watched a glorious sun rise on that morning from the back of the ambulance and I thought how perfect, a brand new baby on a brand new day. When I finally held her she had me spellbound. 9 pounds of pure magic with blue eyes.

Behind those blue eyes is the sweetest, sassiest, funniest 2 year old I know. She radiates with beauty, and although I know beauty comes from the heart, every time I look at her face, spattered with the tiniest freckles, I am in awe of how I could take part in the creation of something so stunning.

2 years ago today our family of 3 became a family of 4. She is a joy, a blessing and loved more than she could ever know.

Now, let’s eat cake!!

Barney has a new enemy

2010-03-11T12:27:00.003-05:00

Our household has escaped the big purple dinosaur, until recently. Aiden had never even seen an episode of Barney until we discovered Marissa loves the show, much to Marc's chagrin. Honestly, the show is not as horrendous as everyone claims and some of the songs are actually quite catchy.

This morning over cereal I was singing the familiar song from Barney to Marissa.
“I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family…” you know how it goes.

My lovely rendition of the song was suddenly interrupted when Aiden starts making machine gun noises and yells “Shut the hell up!”

The silence that immediately followed and the look of utter shock on my face must have registered with my little guy because he quickly turned a shade of pink and very quietly said “What? Ben said he saw it in a movie”. Ben is a friend of his in Grade 1, whose name has been heard a lot this past week. I haven't met Ben, but when I do I will be sure to thank him for sharing that bit of movie trivia with my son.

As if on queue, Marissa starts to laugh and begins to imitate the machine gun noise too.

Aiden quickly tries to save himself….”See mom, even Marissa knows”

This is when I started to laugh. Cause really, what else could I do?

Un-Valentines Day

2010-02-13T18:49:00.010-05:00

Marc and I aren't big fans of V Day. It's too commercialized and expensive. We haven't celebrated Valentines Day in about 15 years....not kidding. When Marc and I started dating we did go out a few time on February 14. We went to dinner and we sat in crowded restaurants eating over priced food. Sometimes he would buy me over priced flowers and we would pay $6 for that Hallmark card that had the 'perfect' sentiment.

I don't need a 'special' day to tell me I'm loved. I know it. It's in the every day things. It's the way I'm greeted at the door when I come home, the way Marc looks at me from across the room, any room at any time. The way he subconsciously reaches for my hand. It is in the arm thrown around me and the spooning in the middle of the night and, yes, it's in the way he randomly gropes me, even when I complain and express my frustration with it. I'm sure I would miss it if he stopped doing it. (Can't believe I'm admitting that).

This is the first Valentines Day in 20 years that I'm alone, as Marc is in Vancouver working for the Olympics. This year is the first in many that I actually bought Marc a Valentine's Day card. One that I went to 3 different card stores for, searching to find one that expresses what I felt. I finally found one that I don't think expresses it enough but was pretty close. So yes, this year I bought into this stupid, waste-of-money, overpriced, commercialized day in hopes that my $6 card shows him that even if he is 2,000 miles away, he is loved.

A love letter to my husband

2010-02-10T08:11:00.002-05:00

Remember a year ago when you told me you were applying to volunteer at the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver? My response was to laugh and say "go ahead and apply but there was no way in hell you were going and leaving me and the kids that long so you could get the idea out of your head." Remember when you told me that you were going on the interview? I said, "whatever, but there was still no way in hell you are leaving me for that long."

Then do you remember when you were notified that you had got the job and I said, "forget it, there was no way in hell that you were leaving?"

What I really meant to say is how lucky you are that you get to take part in a little piece of our country’s history. How proud I am of you that you took that first step towards being involved with an event that you truly love. What I really meant to say was that I hope you have a hell of a time, take lots of pictures and I can't wait to hear the stories of your adventure.

What I really meant to say was that I love you and that I will miss you terribly but am very, very happy for you.

Be safe.
xo

A bond never to be broken

2010-02-08T13:47:00.004-05:00

Shortly after Marissa was born I started to hemorrhage. It was scary at the moment, I had never seen so much blood nor have I heard the pounding of footsteps coming down a hospital hall knowing they were running to get to me. They were quick to respond and quick to get the bleeding stopped. They had to massage my uterus (mmm, yeah...no details needed and definitely not the kind of massage you want when you have given birth just 5 hours before) and gave me an IV full of Pitocin to start getting my uterus to contract. They informed me they were taking my new born daughter to the nursery because I was weak from blood loss. I asked them to reconsider as I honestly did not want to be separated from her but they could not leave her with me…liability they said, it was safer for the baby. They took her away and I was honestly surprised how quickly sleep came for me. The kind of hard sleep you fall into when your body is completely exhausted.

2 hours later the nurse woke me and said they couldn’t get her to stop crying. Apparently, my yet-to-be-named little girl, had been crying for the entire time that she had been in the nursery. The nurse asked if I felt strong enough to have them bring her back. Of course I said, bring her to me. The nurse came back with my beautiful angry, screaming, red faced baby. The nurse placed her in my arms and literally within seconds the screaming stopped and she fell fast asleep. The nurse smiled at me and said that we were bonded, that this was a true sign of a mother/daughter connection that science can’t even explain…it just is. I felt like the most powerful woman alive. With only a touch I was able to comfort my little girl and had the ability to make her feel safe and warm enough that she was finally able to drift to sleep. I laid her in the hospital bed next to me and we both slept for 4 more solid hours.
Although I truly loved her from the minute that I knew she was the size of a pea in my belly, I feel that this moment created a bond between us that hopefully nothing can break.

Over the next 12 months she cried…a lot. She was easily comforted by being close to me so she spent the better part of the day in the Baby Bjorn and slept on my chest at night. Even now, she seeks me out for comfort and is still soothed by only my touch. She instantly knows when I enter a room and when I leave it. There have been days when I am suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling that something is wrong with her and have called her childcare provider only to find out that yes, she is having a rough day or that she isn't feeling well.

I truly believe I am connected to my daughter, mentally and spiritually, in a way that I cannot explain.

I came home last week from a particularly horrible day at work. I was feeling sorry for myself and felt completely discouraged and beaten down. I put a movie on for the kids and sat down on the couch. Tears of frustration on the verge of spilling over, rehashing the day and planning how I was going to handle everything tomorrow, when Marissa looked at me with those big blue eyes, came over to me and crawled into my lap. She settled into the crook of my arm and rested her head on my shoulder. After a few moments she looked up at me, smiled and simply whispered “mommy”. The stress and worry of the day simply vanished. I hugged her close and even after the movie was over, she continued to let me hold her in silence. My cheek rested on her head and I knew in my heart that she was comforting me with her touch. And my God it worked. It was pure magic and she knew it. I know she did.

Thank you baby girl.

Remember our Fallen

2009-11-11T06:03:00.000-05:00

Old people know stuff

2009-10-28T11:57:00.006-04:00

We should really listen to them...don't you think?

The greatest story ever told

2009-10-13T11:24:00.004-04:00

Aiden is quite the story teller. His imagination knows no bounds and thinks up the story faster than his mouth can tell it.

It is a 20 minute drive to my moms house from my door to hers. Aiden began his story as I was strapping him in to his car seat in our driveway. A story so rich with his own creativity that it would have made George Orwell, or Dr. Seuss for that matter, shake their heads in wonderment.

He talked non-stop about the story that was unfolding in his head. My attention to the details of the story came and went throughout the drive. I heard chatter of a five Decker bus and the man who owned it (he traded all his Pokemon cards for it), bad guys who came to earth in a shiny ship shaped like a diamond who were trying to steal the bus, thunder clouds that shot out fire balls and guns that sent out blue lasers that stung like wasps. 20 minutes later as we pulled into my moms driveway I heard these words:

….and he kicked him in the wiener…

Uhhhhh…what was that honey? Who kicked who in the wiener?

The guy who stole the five Decker bus kicked the owner in the wiener to steal the bus.

That’s kinda harsh isn’t it?

Well, n-o-o-o-o-o mom, because the stingray gun was kicked out of his hand and his hands were chopped off from the blue lasers so he had to kick him in the wiener to steal it.

Makes sense.

All that I am thankful for

2009-10-09T09:05:00.003-04:00

There are so many others in this world that don’t even have a fraction of what we have. Imagine what life is like for others who are not as lucky.

Women who have never known tender words or a loving caress from their lover, only angry words and fists.

Little boys who are learning how to use weapons to kill rather than learning the power of a pencil.

Little girls who are maimed in the most horrific of ways and who will never be given the opportunity to learn to read or write. Never learn their importance and value.

Children who go hungry, who have never had a parent tell them to eat everything on their plate before getting dessert because there is simply nothing…NOTHING to eat. They only live to die.

Mothers who have to watch their children suffer every day. Watch them slowly starve to death with swollen bellies and the saddest eyes that silently beg for mercy.

Children and families who are living in the midst of war. One that is not theirs nor one they want. Hearing blasts of guns, bombs and cries of torture and can only be thankful it is not them but wonder every day when it will be.

Children who live through a type of hell every day with unspeakable abuse and terror. Imagine never having a mom or dad to ‘kiss it all better’ but are the very ones who inflict the wounds.

In another world this could have been me, my children or someone I love.

I am indeed thankful for all I have. Thankful for my life and all that is in it.

My health.
Food on my table.
A roof over my head.
A job that gives me the ability to provide for my family and to help the less fortunate. I pray it reaches them and eases some suffering.

But most of all I am thankful for the all the love I have in my life. There is so much of it, more than I deserve.

My handsome and adoring husband. Life would be very boring without him around.

My beautiful and spirited little girl who brings an indescribable amount of joy to our lives. She’s smart and sweet and gives the best hugs.

My beautiful little boy who brightens every day with his smile and sense of humour. He is bright and kind and loving.

A home filled with love and so much laughter. More laughter than tears (Unless it’s tears caused by laughter and there is nothing sweeter).

My parents, in-laws and a family who love us unconditionally. They are our biggest supporters and mentors.

Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little,
and if we didn't learn a little,
at least we didn't get sick,
and if we got sick, at least we didn't die;
so, let us all be thankful.
- The Buddha

The best gifts

2009-08-24T08:11:00.003-04:00

Today I am celebrating my 39th and have never been more excited or hopeful for what is around the corner. I am not afraid of getting older as every year gets better for me. I am never disappointed on my birthday. This year is no different.

I am usually long gone in the morning and rarely get to see my kids as I start my day. Today, Marc woke them both up to be sure I got to see them and hug them before I left. The gifts I received from them are priceless.

A handmade card on pink paper with sweetly drawn flowers and "I love you mommy" written carefully in a black triangle that held all the love in the world. It was taped to the orange juice carton so when I reached for it, as I do every morning, I was sure to see it. A shiny necklace that has beads of every colour on it, red, blue, pink, lime green, blue and purple. It was hand picked by the sweetest boy in the world. I am proudly displaying it around my neck and don't ever want to take it off. Every bead worth more to me than all the diamonds in the world.

A big hug from a sleepy little girl. You know the kind only a baby can give. Her little arms held tightly around my neck and her beautiful head with the softest hair rested on my shoulder and snuggled into me. This moment was followed up by a sloppy, drooly kiss from her. It was a perfect moment and tears silently slid down my cheek as I was completely wrapped up in it.

But the best birthday gift I am getting this year is from my mom and dad. After years of living more than 2 hours outside the city they are selling their house and making their way back to us. Back to their grandchildren and children who love and miss them so much. Unfortunately, today's responsibilities and pressures of life don't allow us to travel to see each other very often. I know this decision wasn't easy for them. They have to sell their beautiful country home that they poured themselves into over the past 10 years and are now stressed about finding a new one.

But my kids and my niece and nephews will now have an opportunity to bond more closely with the 2 people who gave life to 3 and who are the proud grandparents of 7. My camera and my heart will now hold more pictures of them playing with their grandchildren. Snapshots of every memory made of time spent with them. I can't wait to have them closer. Thank you mom and dad...this is truly the best gift.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

A cheerful heart is medicine for the soul

2009-08-21T08:10:00.009-04:00

Marc and I are going on a date tonight. Dinner and a movie. Marc said he is going to let me pick the movie...any one I wanted which NEVER happens...EVER. Our choices in films differs somewhat and he says I have a history of choosing bad ones. As I was going through the listings this is what transpired.

Marc - Have you seen the trailer for Inglorious Bastards?

Lisa - Nope. Hey I heard The Ugly Truth was really funny.

Pause.

Marc (leaning in to me and whispering very softly) - Bruno..? (side note: I know this one is supposed to be funny but this type of humour doesn't appeal to me in the slightest.)

Lisa (ignoring the not so subtle hint) - What about Julie and Julia...I would love to see this one.

Marc snickers.

Lisa (slightly annoyed) I thought you said I could pick the movie??

Marc - You're right, you're right. Go ahead and choose and I will go to whatever you want.

Lisa - hmmm, I feel like laughing, don't you? What about Funny People?

Marc - It didn't get good reviews. GI Joe?

Pause. Silence.

Marc - Let's just watch the trailer to Inglorious Bastards and then you can decide.

I watch. Admittedly, it does look fantastic. Brad Pitt is just beyond talented. He still looks fantastic and is a brilliant actor but it's just not what I'm in the mood for.

Lisa - Marc, I just feel like laughing. I don't want death and blood.

Marc - Well, I heard District 9 was pretty good. Let's watch the trailer for that.

We watch it. Again, I admit it does look pretty good but there is absolutely nothing funny about it.

Lisa - I don't feel like thinking too much. I just want to watch a silly-not-thinking-or-feeling-too-much-movie. Didn't you say I could choose?

Marc - Oh yeah, the library called. That book you wanted to read is in. 50 Dead Men Walking? Let's watch the trailer to that.

We start watching it and thankfully we are interrupted by dinner time and a fussy baby. I am going to read that book and watch the film as the storyline fascinates me but I am just not in the mood for this kind of movie today.

Later, I sat on the bottom of the stairs and looked at Marc and suggested The Hangover. Thankfully he agreed, although I know he would rather not.

It has been an odd summer. Full of love and fantastic memories and fun times but also of tragedy and sadness. A colleague who lost a baby in the most heartbreaking way. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and hope she is finding a way to heal her heart. A brother who lost one of his friends to suicide. My heart broke knowing his intense sadness and even more so for the mom and dad who had to bury their son. A special and wonderul family member who was diagnosed with an illness that is painful and unfortunately no cure.

These are my reasons for choosing the movie I did. I want to laugh out loud until tears run down my face. I don't want to think or feel sad or watch a movie full of death and that leaves you feeling hopeless. I want to laugh and feed my heart with nothing but happiness today. May all of you have a day full of the same.

EDIT: I cannot tell you how happy it made me when I just discovered my favourite childrens story of all time, Where The Wild Things Are, is coming to the big screen in October! I watched this trailer and cried...tears of happiness of course. I simply cannot wait!!

UPDATE: OK, so we never made it to The Hangover as it wasn't playing at a time that was good for us (our life with children and babysitters) so I ended up choosing Inglorious Basterds. In one word: FAN-TARANTINO-TASTIC!! I still managed to laugh out loud several times. Despite Quentin's reputation for violence he also has one for humour. I loved it. LOVED it. Thanks for dropping all those not so subtle hints my love. You are still the king when it comes to choosing movies.

Summertime and the livin's easy

2009-07-30T10:58:00.004-04:00

T minus 4 hours until Plante Vacation 2009 begins. In honour of this blessed event I was trying to find some summer songs to listen to and came across some classics like Summer in the City (although this certainly would not apply to O-Town this year) and Summer Breeze. One of my favs by Don Henley and I remember grooving to this one back in the day.

I came across this song by Mungo Jerry (LOVE that name) and although I really like the song, I giggled my ass off watching the video. Get that guy a dentist and a razor!!!

Here are some lyrics from Pinch me by the Barenaked Ladies that reminds me of when I was a kid and the days of summer were long and hot and I am sure I did this on many an occassion. Remember?

It's the perfect time of day
To throw all your cares away
Put the sprinkler on the lawn
And run through with my gym shorts on.
Take a drink right from the hose
And change into some drier clothes
Climb the stairs up to my room
Sleep away the afternoon.

In just a few hours I will be in slow mode and anxiously awaiting a visit to Collingwood, where we will be spending our time on beaches, having picnics and discovering fossils. Marineland is next on the docket and we have one very, very excited 6 year old who is exactly 48 inches and can ride on almost every single ride there. He will have his first roller experience...yikes! We will end it all at a stay in 1000 Islands, we are staying here. Marc and I got married at this very spot 8 years ago. I am also SO hoping I get to see this wonderful, brilliant, gorgeous and wickedly funny girl, my old friend, for a spot of tea on our way home. Keep your fingers crossed!

Happy summer everyone!

Eggs and freckles

2009-07-23T13:57:00.006-04:00

Earlier this week we got the news that Aiden has probably out grown his egg allergy and we can start slowly introducing it back into his diet. His joy and 'egg-citement' was evident as he yelled several "YOO-HOO's" as we left the doctors office. The smile and the non-stop chatter about who he was going to tell and how he was going to share the news made my chest burst with love and a ton of relief. A TON of it I tell ya! The first thing that came to my mind was birthday parties. They will be so different for him now. He doesn't have to be the kid who doesn't get a piece of the cake anymore. I don't have to call parents to see what's on the menu in fear of it containing eggs. I don't have to watch his face crumple in disappointment when he's told he can't share something sweet with his friends because his little body can't tolerate it. Yes, it was a ton of relief indeed.

We went to Toys R Us as a treat afterwards and he continued to share his news with a lady stocking the shelves, a little boy and his mom in the Ben 10 section and the guy at the check out. These strangers genuinely shared his 'egg-citement' as they gave him hi-five's and congratulated him.

East Side Marios was the next stop for a bite to eat and some bonding. He wanted to have something on the menu that had eggs in it. I gave him several options but he decided he wanted pizza, which has zero egg content but it is his favourite food. Marc suggested pancakes with egg in it for supper. He agreed and he talked about helping me make them and how he was going to touch an egg...for the very first time.

I got lost in the moment as he chattered on endlessly in his complete and utter joy. My love was immense for this little boy with the beautiful freckles who sat across from me. He was completely caught up in his own little world with so much emotion and happiness. A completely wonderful world that just opened a very big door for him.

I'm so tired...

2009-07-14T08:13:00.007-04:00

My eyes are burning, my body is slow to move and when anyone speaks to me it sounds like the nasally "mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa" just like all the adults sound in the Charlie Brown cartoons. Thanks to Marissa for wanting to play the soose in my mouth/eye/ear game until almost midnight. The game really is not that cute after 8pm.

The weather outside doesn't make it any better. It is cold. And grey. And it is July. I grew up in Newfoundland where you never put away your winter coat...ever. You could get snow in June and the first frost in August. You think I would be conditioned to this type of weather. But I am not. I want the heat and at this point I would take the humidity. I want to hear people complain about how hot it is. I want to see the sun. I want to slather on layers of sunscreen and swim in Moniques gorgeous, blue, salt water, inground pool. Instead, I am wearing long pants, and shoes that don't allow my pretty painted toes to peak out in fear or losing one to frostbite, and a sweater vest over my shirt...in JULY!!!

So, I'm shaking the tiredness and forgetting the coolness of the outside by listening to some music to get me moving. I was inspired, as usual, when I visit here. Right now I am listening to Paper Planes by MIA. I feel better and not quite as groggy.

I am going to have that 2nd cup of coffee though.

Babies...let's have a bunch.

2009-07-07T07:52:00.009-04:00

According to C.D. Howe Institute what Canada needs is more babies. Really? I mean REALLY?

As much as I would like to keep making contributions to the next generation and to ensure my pension and retirement is not impacted too much, I am pretty sure I'm done having babies. My ovaries are waving little white flags announcing their retirement despite their lack of of funding and inability to travel to Europe every summer.

The memory of puking for 9 straight months (and doing it quietly and efficiently so you don't disturb your sleeping husband), the constipation, swollen ankles and boobs the size of watermelons are still way too fresh in my mind. The lack of sleep, colic and breast feeding issues are not something I am eager to repeat now that they are no longer a part of my life. The information about pregnancy that is thrown at you and gives you nightmares (or at the very least may cause you to give birth to an 8lb tele-tubby)...no eating deli meat, tuna, caesar salad or lead-based paint chips. No plastic containers or water bottles, no colouring your hair, no sex with random strangers (which is not something I would do but just proves that I am not getting any younger).

Me thinks Canada is going to have to rely on other people to have the babies.

But why does my belly have butterflies when I see, smell or hold a new baby? Is the universe whispering to me, telling me to continue to populate Canada? I mean, I have 2 of the most gorgeous kids in the entire universe, who am I to withold adding more perfection to it?

The first of many disappointments....sadly

2009-07-02T08:02:00.008-04:00

Our neighbour has a fishing boat in his driveway that has long been admired by Aiden. Recently a for sale sign has gone up on it.

When news of the sale reached Aiden, he could not contain his excitement. He came running into the house asking for his change jar because...and I quote "that boat is mine mom". His dad and I tried to tell him that he didn't have enough money in his change jar to buy a boat like that. But with a fierce determination he grabbed 2 handfuls of change and went to buy this boat. We watched our little boy march over and with a shy smile made his first offer. Moments later Aiden came racing in the house once again, leapt up the stairs and with heart pounding excitement told us the neighbour needed "a little more than that'. So he grabbed another handful of change and went back outside, leaving a trail of pennies and dimes behind him. Sadly, the offer was still not enough.

Marc and I laughed at the sweetness and innocence of it but quietly my heart hurt for him. I wanted to buy the boat just so I didn't have to see those blue eyes well up.

His disappointment was soon forgotten by hugs and the promise of ice cream.

I only hope all his disappointments are as easily forgotten, but in reality we know life can be harsh.

And although I may not always have the power to take the hurt away, I will always be there with the promise of hugs and ice cream to help him through it.

Suck it Iris!!

2009-06-23T13:47:00.004-04:00

According to Alberta’s Finance Minister, Iris Evans, one parent needs to stay at home in order to raise children “properly”.

How do you define properly when it comes to raising children? Is there a handbook or instructional manual that can help us with these guidelines. For god’s sake tell me where I can get it!! I need to know what the hell I am doing!

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world and with that comes some tough decisions, to work or not to work is one of them. I chose to go back to work and my decision was not based solely on finances. I am many other things other than a mom, although I cherish that title more so than any other.

The majority of parents I know are working ones. All of them have nothing but the best interest of their family at heart. They all have their own reasons for raising them the way they do but that is their business and their choices. No judgement needed from anyone.

Every waking moment that I have that isn’t spent with them is spent thinking of them. Every decision I make as a parent is never just for me, it is always done with my kids in mind. My husband and I love each very much. We are committed to each other as partners and as parents. We plan to be so for a very long time. Our home is one filled with love and laughter on a daily basis. Our kids know and will always know how much they are loved and they will always come first. They are happy, bright, well adjusted children who have happy, not-so bright, well adjusted parents and although we don't always make the right choices, we do so only with an abundance of love.

Not that I need your validation Iris but am wondering if that is “proper” enough for ya?

Happy Birthday Bucky!

2009-06-08T09:43:00.000-04:00

This is Aiden.

He turns 6 today. Big things are going to happen to him this year. Apparently, when you are 6 you get to watch movies like Indiana Jones and Jurassic Park, go to Disney World, and baby sit your 1 year old sister.

This little boy loves his mommy and daddy, pizza, Oreos and ice cream and believes there is nothing better in this universe. He loves to dance and ‘show his moves’. He is extremely creative and very, very funny. He is loving, sweet, kind and more tender hearted than any other 6 year old I know. He adores his baby sister and revels in her accomplishments like they were his own. He has big dreams of becoming a super hero, a police man, a scientist and of saving the earth from all its ills. He represents everything that is good in this world. May he never outgrow them.

Happy 6th Birthday Mr. Nittles.

Happy birthday Princess

2009-05-18T00:04:00.003-04:00

"It's a girl" Those words forever changed my life. My initial reaction was complete disbelief. There are still moments when I look at my girl, in pink from head to toe and I still don't believe it. A girl! ***sigh*** ....A GIRL!!

12 months, 365 days, 8766.1536 hours ago my beautiful Marissa came into our lives. After only 1 year I am honoured to know her let alone to be her mother. Isn't she magnificent?

I hope you will always be the girl who dances to music - no matter the tune or who is around.

I hope you are the girl who laughs as quickly and as easily as you do now. Find the humour in everything.

I hope you always love your daddy and your brother as much as you do now.

I hope you know that being second does not mean last.

May you never doubt that I have enormous love for you.

Happy birthday my beautiful baby girl. XO

I have mad love for you

2009-05-06T19:47:00.013-04:00

Five....that is how many Mothers Days I have had the honour of celebrating as a mom. This year will be the sixth.

I am so deeply and crazy in love with my children. The kind of love that only moms know. The kind you can't even begin to explain. It is simply pure, intense and unlimited. After I had Aiden I thought my heart was stretched to the end of the universe with this kind of love. Will there really be room in my heart for that kind of love for my 2nd child? Then Marissa was born and I now know my heart is capable of holding more....so much more. It is stretched to infinity and beyond with love for her.

This past year has been crazy and fuzzy as any mother will tell you the first year after giving birth. There were many days where I had no clue what I was doing and had moments when I felt worn out and was down for the count. Still, my worst day as a mom is a hundred times better than my best day before them.

Thank you, Aiden and Marissa, for letting me love you the way I do. All crazy and intense.

Happy Mothers Day to all the mommies out there who are celebrating their first, sixth or 25th year as a mom. Enjoy your day.

I love you mom!
xo

And the first person voted off Survivor Island....

2009-05-01T08:07:00.002-04:00

Aiden: Mom, if I was on Survivor I just know I'd be the first person voted off.

Me: Why do you think that?

Aiden: Because I'm smart, cute and fast. They know I'd win aaaaaallll the challenges and everyone would like me. Payton in my class thinks I'm really funny.

There is nothing wrong with my sons self esteem.

The lent challenge

2009-02-25T02:56:00.007-05:00

I swear....a lot sometimes. Most of the time I don't even know it until the words are out of my mouth. It's a very bad habit and seems to be getting worse lately. I have been swearing for as long as I can remember. They are after all just words right?

Well, I guess they can be ugly but can be fun to say and aid with a tone of story or a joke. But with little ears around I have to be careful. No one will think it's very cute when my little girl drops an F bomb as a first word or when asking for Cheerios.

Aiden asked what Lent was on Monday morning and when I explained it (as best I could in my non-practicing Catholic way) I included how people give up things they like or kick a bad habit for 40 days leading up to Easter.

We headed out for school and imagine my dismay when I realized all the {insert expletive here} doors were frozen shut. I couldn't get in. If I couldn't get in my very well planned day could not begin and well, that just couldn't happen. And Mondays always come with bags that have to be loaded into the car. So with a baby in a car seat, diaper bag, gym bag, school bag and a bag with Aiden's sleep stuff in it and my son standing next to me I started to swear...first very midly and then the heavy artillery came out. In fear Aiden was thinking I was angry with him I kept reassuring him that I wasn't and that it was the situation that was frustrating. I know, mother of the year award.

I finally managed to get the passenger side door open and had to load the car seat and Aiden in through this way which was not easy with a 40lb car seat. I crawled over to the drivers side when I realized I left all those bags in the driveway...{insert expletive here}. I crawled back out through the passenger door and grabbed the bags and started reefing on the drivers side door. It popped open, I felt vindicated. Finally, things were looking up. Until I realized I had broken the door. It wouldn't close and when I did get it closed I couldn't open it. {insert expletive here}. Those nasty words were spilling out of my mouth when Aiden covered his ears and very calmly said, "mom, stop saying those bad words" Ahhhh, there it is. The shame that only a mother can feel when her child couldn't be more right and the parent more wrong. It washed over me.

I immediately apologized to Aiden for my behaviour and I promised him I would never use those words in front of him again. He suggested that I give up saying bad words for Lent. I agreed.

So there it is, my love of swearing is no more for the next 40 days and perhaps even for good. I am going not only going to clean up my vocabulary I am going to improve it. I am going to read more perhaps some poetry and sign up for a word a day and learn it's pronunciation, origin and meaning.

Words can be pretty powerful so I'm going to learn new ones and share them with Aiden. I will make him proud.

Love, love, love...sigh

2009-02-13T20:00:00.005-05:00

February 13, 2000..that was THEE day. The day most girls dream of. The one I had only hoped for. The one I waited 9 years for. The day I was asked to be Marc's bride. His wife.

I remember the day as vividly as if it happened yesterday. Marc always said that when he proposed he would never do it on a date that it was expected. So I knew Christmas, New Years, Valentines and my birthday were out. Being the day before Valentines I never suspected...not even for a second.

We were enjoying a perfect day at Winterlude. Snow was softly falling. Marc was taking pics for his photography course he was taking at school. He took some gorgeous shots. (None of which are framed but should be.) We laughed, ate Beavertails, threw money in the eternal flame on Parliament Hill and made a wish. We enjoyed this perfect day. Marc with a custom made diamond Claddagh ring in his pocket, waiting for that "perfect" moment to pop the question. Looking back, there was a dozen "perfect" moments.

The moment he chose was in my parents driveway as we arrived for dinner later that day. I said I needed something from my bag in the trunk. The trunk opened and as I searched for what I needed, it happened.

Marc: So...what did you wish for today at the Eternal Flame?

Me: Marc, you know what I wished for

Marc: Did you wish for world peace?

Me: Nope (Although that is a truly honourable wish and no amount of money is wasted on hoping for this)

Marc: Did you wish I would get a snowmobile? (He had been wanting one for some time)

Me: Nope

Marc (as he pulled out that beautiful ring I wear proudly on my left hand): Did you wish I would ask you to be my wife?

There it was. The moment, the question I had been waiting for for as long as I had known him. The reaction that I had always imagined would happen was replaced with hiccups and sobs. I couldn't breathe. My heart hurt. My head spun. I couldn't find the one word that I thought would be so easy to say.

But I did say it, of course. I don't remember saying it but it doesn't matter. I remember the question.

And the item I was searching for in the trunk right before he asked? A tampon. Yup, a tampon.

Marc remembered me telling him once in a conversation that I wanted my parents to be the first to know when I got engaged. So as we arrived for dinner he wanted to honour that.

There was a dozen "perfect" moments that day when he could have asked as we drank hot chocolate and strolled hand in hand in a winter wonderland. But none more perfect than the one he chose.

Even God is a fan of cartoons

2009-01-10T17:48:00.002-05:00

The other day as I was on the couch channel surfing (which drives Marc insane)I glanced over at Aiden who was on the other end of the couch. His hands clasped in prayer, eyes closed and his mouth moving silently.

Whatchya doing buddy? I asked.

He looked at me and with a sweetness and honesty that comes from someone who's only had 5 and 1/2 years on this earth said...

I'm praying I get to watch cartoons.

Through tears of laughter I switched to the cartoon Network. With all that is happening in this world, if God was listening to my child's innocent prayer I'm happy to report He has a sense of humour and is a fan of The Smurfs.

'Tis the season

2008-12-22T19:40:00.006-05:00

I love Christmas. I love everything about it. The snow. The lights. The decorations. The music. The parties. The food. The 'pop over' visits. The time spent with friends. Family. Oh, how I love this time of the year.

I have not had much time to blog because I am preparing for this holiday. My daughter is too young to understand and is oblivious to the time of year but is, unfortunately, very aware of new teeth coming in, hence the reason I am so out of sorts lately.

If she takes after her mom she will love Christmas too. As I look ahead I envision tickets to The Nutcracker, my little girl in a ballerina dress and I imagine the look on her face when the dancers take to the stage. I have never seen The Nutcracer and I can't wait to share it with Marissa. It will be magical. Thank goodness I had a girl. Aiden would look pretty funny in a ballerina dress.

My son already has a passion for Christmas. Not only because of Santa but he loves the lights, the parties and the music as well. His favourite song right now is I'm Getting Nuttin' For Christmas by Rosie O'Donel and Smashmouth. He can't get enough, much to Marc's chagrin.

But we can never forget what is so special about this time of year that makes our hearts glow...the giving. I am trying to instill this in my children and not only make them appreciate all they have but to think of others as well.

A few weeks ago Aiden and I went shopping for Toy Mountain for the Orleans Festival Of Lights. As we chose a toy we talked about all the less fortunate, not just here in the city but in other places all over the world. He was so interested and empathetic about it he wanted to do something for the little kids that we talked about. So when we got home we went to the shop Unicef website and he carefully selected his gifts of toys, a mosquito net and 800 pencils for an entire school.

He was so happy. I told him it was what Christmas is all about, to give something and get nothing in return. He said " That's ok, mommy because I felt sad when you told me about those kids but now I feel happy". Get nothing in return? Let me re-think that.

Want to make your heart glow? Visit the Unicef site and shop,shop, shop!

Merry Christmas.

xo

Observations in a mall and wishes for friends

2008-11-19T18:12:00.012-05:00

Good friends of ours are soon expecting their first born. A girl. A cute, cuddly, all dressed in pink little girl. Lucky them. Lucky baby. They are going to be fantastic parents and they don't even know it. They are both so great individually and as a couple. She is beautiful inside and out with a fiery Chilean spirit that takes no crap. She has a wicked sense of humour that can make you laugh until there are tears. He is a funny, kind and extremely hard working man who loves his wife, family and friends. Yes, they will be fantastic parents, so lucky baby indeed. We can't wait to meet her.

Recently while at the mall playground that Aiden wanted to visit while doing some shopping, I had the opportunity to sit back and observe some parenting styles of strangers. With a yummy Latte and a sleeping baby in hand I saw some sweet and some not so sweet things.

I witnessed a very angry grandmother completely over react with her young grandson when he went down the play structure the 'wrong way'. Please note there are no directional signs and kids were running up and down this thing the entire time I was there. But apparently this little boy ran down instead of up and it made granny very mad. He was grabbed by the hand and yelled at...no..screamed at for doing so. This young lad was instantly deflated. Shoulders slumped and red faced but totally compliant when being dragged away and given a time out. I should mention he was literally shoved into the chair with her finger right in his face while being punished for his 'crime'. My heart went out to him as I am sure others felt too. I saw a young woman say something to her that went ignored. She was probably telling her that it was fine to come down the play structure. I hope she also told her to chill out and speak kinder to this little boy who's playful spirit she was crushing .

I saw a young couple play with their 2 little girls, following them around patiently and lovingly. They helped their teetering toddler keep up with her older sister. It was nice to watch.

I saw a dad refuse to pick up his little boy when he toppled down the slide, landing on his head. His little arms went up to be consoled and his father refused. He clung to his dads leg who peeled him off and walked away, leaving him to cry. Not sure what hurt the little boy more, the fall or the rejection.

I saw a young mother...too young in my opinion (although that matters little)...text on her Blackberry the whole time I was there. I watched her several times as a little boy ran over excitedly to her to tell her something. Each time he was patted on the head and sent off to play again. She didn't stop to watch her boy once that I saw. Perhaps when this little boy becomes a man she will long to have these moments back again?

I saw grandparents with a newly walking little girl who didn't let her within a foot of them at any given time. She was exploring on her own and had no idea how safe she was under the watchful eye of these 2 nicely dressed people. I am sure they would have rather died than let anything happen to her. My kids are very lucky to have 6...yes that's SIX people in their lives who love them like this. Not only 2 sets of grandparents but 2 loving great aunts. Six beautiful shining stars.

Latte empty and hungry baby on the verge of waking it was time to go. My observation time had come to it's end. Yes, there are many parents who are doing exactly what I am doing. Walking blind most days when it comes to raising kids but I am sure it is all done with the best of intentions and love.

So, to our friends who are about to embark on the craziest and best adventure of their lives. You will be the best of the best. We wish you nothing but beautiful shining stars for you and your little girl.

Lest We Forget

2008-11-11T11:23:00.013-05:00

Canadian Tomb of the Unknown Soldier - Ottawa,ON

I do not know the fear that must have been overwhelming at times. I do not know the horror that your eyes saw. I do not know the hunger and cold that chilled you to the bone. I do not know the grief you felt at losing your comrades and friends. I do not know the sadness you felt when you received letters and pictures of those you loved, missing them so. I do not know the loneliness that resonated to your very core.

I do know that my freedom did not come free, that a huge price was paid for it. I do know that your courage, bravery and willingness to fight gave me my freedom and my children their freedom. I do know that I live in the greatest country in the world and my right to live, pray, vote, and choose was given to me because of your dedication and sacrifice. I know that my children will know and that we will never forget.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Halloween

2008-11-03T08:01:00.011-05:00

The decorations

Aiden had trouble deciding on a costume

70's rock star?

Nope.

Beer keg?

Nope.

The black Spiderman?

PERFECT!

The real 70's rock star

The Hippie and her flower child

The evening ended with a glass of red outside with some fantastic neighbours. Thanks to the GREAT great aunts who came over and enjoyed the evening with us. Can't wait 'til next year!

I'm going to drive this car-car off the cliff-cliff!!

2008-10-31T09:09:00.005-04:00

What makes people snap? Well, I got one for ya'. While waiting in line to pay for my merchandise the following dialogue between a mom and her grumpy little boy almost sent me over the edge.

Boy: Me wanna go in car-car
Woman: Just be patient a little while longer and we will go in the car-car.
Boy: NO me wanna go in car-car NOW!
Woman: I know but before we go in the car-car mommy has to pay for her things.

Pause

Boy: Wah...mommy me wanna go in car-car
Woman: We are going to go to in the car-car in a moment
Boy: Me want car-car
Women: Yes, honey I know you want to go in the car-car but car-car has to wait for a minute.
Boy: No me want car-car....wah...car-car
Women: Mommy knows you love the car-car and we are going to the car-car just as soon as mommy is done here.
Boy: car-car....car-car
Mommy: We will go to the car-car soon.

Pause

Boy: car-car.....car-car....car-car...
Mom: Do you love our red car-car or our black car-car more?
Boy: Red car-car....car-car..car-car
Mom: Maybe daddy will take you in the red car-car when we get home
Boy: Wah...Car-car..car-car
Woman: Ok, only 2 more people ahead of us and we will go to the car-car

Pause

Boy: Wah...car-car
Mom: We are going to the car-car soon.

Me: (internal dialogue) OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE LADY!! HOW MANY MORE FUCKING TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO REPEAT CAR-CAR?? YOU ARE DRIVING ME AND ALL THAT CAN HEAR UP THE WALL...LOOK MY GODDAMN EYE IS STARTING TO TWITCH!YOU'VE TRAINED HIM TO DO THIS HAVEN'T YOU. IT'S A PLOT TO GET YOU TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE. (Real dialogue) Would you like to go ahead of me?

Mom: Why thank you, that would be great.

Woman in front of me: Here, why don't you go in front of me too so he doesn't have to wait.

Mom: That is so kind. Thank you.

The car-car conversation takes place over and over until she pays and they leave the store.

Woman in front of me: Thank god...I was about to shove this cucumber up her ass-ass.

Touché

The sweeter side of life

2008-10-20T15:19:00.020-04:00

A walk under a canopy of red and gold....

Flowers for no reason...

Daddy love...

Sleep....

Mommy love...

Superheros and laughter...

Unconditional love...

Misunderstood like the wind

2008-10-08T12:38:00.005-04:00

I think Starbucks is a very pretentious place and their coffee and food are overpriced. However, they do have extremely delicious lattes that I indulge in when I get the urge. Because I don't frequent this establishment often I am not very efficient using their latte lingo when ordering. I'm a simple girl so when I order it I ask for a medium size. Most employees just get me my latte. Yesterday it was a bit of a challenge.

Me: Can I have a medium Chai Tea Latte please

Barista: You mean Grande?

Me: Is that your medium size?

Barista: No....it's our grande.

Me: Grande as in large?

Barista: Noooo, grande as in grande

Me: OK....well if that's your size between small and large I will take that one.

Barista: Umm....I'm not sure. Let me go ask.

Guy behind me with a loud clucking noise: Yes, the Grande is the same as a medium.

Barista: OK, that's good to know.

I get my latte and slink out of there while pissed off regulars look at me and are probably wondering how I get by on a day to day basis without knowing that Starbucks grande is in fact a medium. SERIOUSLY??!! Shove it up your arse Barista girl!!!....You know its a medium so just give me a GODDAMN MEDIUM!!!! I would like to say I will never go back but I know I will...damn their delicious lattes!

On a much funnier note...here is a very clever video of an interview with the wind. Love it!

In a different life it could have been you

2008-10-06T09:51:00.003-04:00

When I logged on to one of my favourite blogs, Indigo Blue, today and read what she had posted I had to follow suit. She follows many blogs and one of them is Maryam's My Marrakesh. Maryam is a democracy specialist who is currently in Rwanda, interviewing widows getting their stories of the genocide. I cried as I read them. You cannot imagine the horror that some of these people faced and survived but are left emotionally and physically traumatized.

Visit Maryam's blog to read the stories, and to contribute to a PayPal account on Maryam's blog that is being set up to collect funds for the organization that is helping the widows and orphans...if you would like to help.

I don't deserve my kids

2008-10-02T11:56:00.003-04:00

That is what I thought as I watched Aiden running towards me when I picked him up from school. Cheeks red from playing with his familiar grin on his face. He was very excited to tell me about his latest bug discovery. I had heard all about the blood sucker and the biting 'angry' ants a few days ago. This day he had discovered the Snapper.

"What's a Snapper" I asked
"Well, it's a scary looking bug that opens it's mouth really big and snaps you" he said while demonstrating the actions.

I laughed, mostly because my nick name used to be Big Red Snapper. It takes on a whole new meaning for me now.

I watched a very sad Oprah yesterday about a mom who made a huge mistake that ultimately left her in this world without her baby. I was holding Marissa and thanked god for the health of my kids. And thought how lucky are we to have these 2 beautiful beings in our lives. How lucky are we to have glimpses of heaven every day. Here is a sample of this weeks glimpses.

1. I woke up every morning (a blessing in itself) to the sweetest smile from my daughter. A smile that she reserves just for me.
2. Made Marissa laugh out loud with belly zurberts and tickles.
3. Cuddled with Aiden at bedtime and told him stories of when he was 'little'. We both almost fell out of bed we laughed so hard. I went to sleep that night with my heart singing.
4. Took part in a 'sandwich' hug initiated by my favourite little guy.
5. Read a book to them. Holding one in each arm. I didn't want to let them go even when my arms were numb. Breathing in their sweet smell and imprinting it into my memory.
6. Went for a walk in the hood and watched Marc and Aiden race. Marc was excited when he won and eager to try again when he didn't.
7. Felt my heart swell with pride when Aiden told the truth about something he had lied about. The 5 year old fear of disappointment and punishment clear on his face. He did the right thing anyway knowing the risks.
8. Held my little girl in my arms and soothed her when her cold and stuffed up nose was too much for her. The way she looked and smiled at me let me know she was happiest right where she was.
9. Watched Aiden entertain his sister with just a sweatshirt. She is his biggest fan and he revels in his ability to make her laugh like no one else can.
10. Watch my son at swimming lessons beaming with pride when he accomplished the front crawl. Then turn to us with 2 thumbs up and a "did you see me?" I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else in the world than right there, in that moment.
11. Later at a celebratory pizza dinner he tells us that he loves his sister the most in the world. I hope that love is always there, especially when we are gone.

I try and take a snapshot of our life each day and engrave it into my heart. I am so conscious of the limited time I have with them before they grow up and friends inevitably take over their lives as they gain more independence away from us.

I love being a mom. My children give me the greatest joy I have ever known. They are my heart, my life. I often wonder how I am going to inevitably screw them up.

These 2 creatures that came screaming into my life are just too good for me. But I thank god for giving them to me anyway.

Sunday thoughts

2008-09-14T08:52:00.005-04:00

One of the most intensely horrifying and haunting books I have ever read is coming to the big screen. The Road by Cormac McCarthy left me feeling such desperation and loneliness that there were times I wished I hadn't started reading it. And yet I could not put it down. I don't know how I feel watching it come to life in a movie and only hope Hollywood does not screw this one up. Not even sure I would recommend it to anyone...I found the book that disturbing.

I have also discovered a scent of body lotions and creams from Bath and Body Works that is divine....called Japanese Cherry Blossom. Delish! I could eat it out of the jar it smells that good!

We tried to set up my beautiful single friend last night to a very nice handsome single neighbour. The evening was fun but the connection, sadly, did not happen. She's just too friggin' picky! She's a lot of fun though and after many rum and coke concoctions she mixed I find myself a little hung this morning.

I am more interested in what's happening politically south of the border than I am here in Canada. I don't even know the platforms of all the candidates. I will eventually get around to reading about it so I can make an informed decision on October 14, just not today. I would rather not think too much at the moment.

I love Tim Hortons coffee, my family and friends and lazy, rainy Sundays.

Running can be fun

2008-09-11T11:13:00.007-04:00

I love running. I love everything about it. I love the steady rhythm of my feet hitting the pavement. I love to feel my heart pounding in my chest. I love the feeling of the sun on my skin and the great feeling of knowing I am doing something good for myself and my health. I love it so much I will run in the pouring rain.

You have a connection with other runners too. Always smiling at each as other as you pass on the road. I usually enjoy this silent bond we share until this morning. I went for a long run and about 20 minutes into it I saw another runner coming towards me. He was a very fit looking man in his 40's. I started to smile and wish him a good morning when he suddenly covered one nostril with a finger and blew snot out of the other. My almost smile turned into a completely horrified look as I tried to control the urge to vomit. He smiled and nodded his head as he passed. I quietly mumbled "Ummmm, sir......I think you dropped something." I am now wondering if this is some sort of runner ritual, like blood brothers. Except instead of swearing on blood you swear on mucous. Well, count me OUT!

I stopped for some water on the corner when a lady and her dog approached asking to see the baby (the lady asked not the dog). As we were chatting I suddenly noticed that her dog had started to lick Marissa's face. The lady made no move to stop her dog so I quickly pulled the stroller out of reach and gently pushed the dog away with my foot and said no to him. The lady gave me a look that clearly showed she was confused and not happy with my reaction. "Don't worry, he's friendly" she said. It wasn't that I was worried he'd bite her, it was the fact that HER DOG WAS LICKING MY BABY'S FACE!!! Dogs eat shit, vomit and dead things and then for good measure lick their own ass. Need I explain more? It got a little awkward after this and I was just about to run off when her dog jumped up on me. I started to pet him when his nose suddenly drifted towards my crotch. I gently pushed him down and with a laugh I told him no and said "Hey, I barely know you".

" Like I said, don't worry, he's very friendly" the owner said with a coolness in her voice that let me immediately know I had insulted her. So what started off as pleasant conversation quickly tuned into one that held some animosity. I wished her a good morning, which she chose to ignore, and I jogged out of there shaking my head.

Upon reflection I should have told her "You know, I'm pretty friendly. Can I lick your face and sniff your crotch too?" Or perhaps I should have showed her the snot blowing thing I had seen a few minutes before. Maybe it would have bonded us somehow. Funniest thing about this is that the lady had a retractable leash on her dog....she should really learn how to use it.

I love running. I love that it gave me something to blog about today.

Vacation part deux

2008-09-04T08:33:00.022-04:00

ok...here we go..Most of these photos were not taken this time around but were the best shots to get the feel of it.

Brigus South. This is where my nanny grew up and is not to be confused with the Brigus in my previous post. In the 60's the town was renamed Hillsdale to distinguish between the two but when local residents refused to acknowledge the new name it was officially changed back.

This place has one of my favourite views of the Atlantic but very scary cliffs. I remember the first time we brought Aiden here I was terrified he would fall off and ordered Marc not to let go of his hand. It is stunning though.

Ferryland. This is also one of my favourite spots with more breathtaking scenery. This small town has a rich history with new facts being discovered every year by the archaeological dig that is set up here. We only managed to go to the dinner theatre here this time around so these pics were taken the last trip. It was a perfect day with the sun making diamonds on the water.

There is a short hike up to an old working lighthouse. We sat in silence for almost an hour and watched whales frolicking on the coastline. It was one of those 'Thank god I'm alive moments".
Cape Spear. The most eastern point in North America (although Alaska and Greenland dispute this). The waves that come crashing in here have been known to carry a man to sea so don't stand too close!

The lighthouse here is the oldest surviving one in Newfoundland and Labrador.

So there you have it. What I have shared with you is only a small part of our many trips home and a teeny tiny fraction of what is to see and enjoy there. Pictures do not do it justice. I am so deeply in love with this island and so very proud to have roots here. To all my readers, go east my friends....GO EAST! You will never forget it and perhaps you too will miss it and yearn to go back as much we do.

What I did on my summer vacation

2008-08-16T09:10:00.019-04:00

The people who are from the province of Newfoundland and Labrador know the pull this beautiful island has.The scenery, the ocean and the people make it a place one does not forget soon. For me and my family it is in the blood. With each trip we yearn more for it and for the family that we leave behind.

The small town of Brigus, famous for it's scenery and sea captains. A small cemetery overlooks a haunting view of the Atlantic. Marc says he wants to be buried here.

Cape Broyle, a small fishing town on the southern shore of the Avalon Peninsula that had a population of only 13 in 1696. A place where my grandparents were married, built a home and raised 5 children. I spent almost every weekend here as a child and a teenager and never appreciated the beauty or it's history until I returned as an adult. I remember going down to the wharf where my great uncles and my grandfather would come in from their catch. Their nets teaming with the days catch of cod or capelin.

My poppy showed me how to clean and gut a fish and taught me how to jig for sculpins off the same wharf. He is a kind, gentle man with the largest hands of anyone I've ever known. As a child his knee was where I climbed, begging him to tell me a story. He would never refuse and would have me in giggles every time. Now at 92 he is still a man that is happy to tell a story just to make you smile. My nanny's kitchen still smells like I remember. Every Sunday she would prepare a Jiggs Dinner for the entire family and we never left her house hungry. Homemade bread, raisin buns and tea and toast were served every time people came to the door, stranger or friend. She is famous for her cooking in Cape Broyle and no one ever left her house without eating at her table. At 88 she still takes such pride in her home and still makes sure you leave with a full belly.

St. John's the oldest and most easterly city in North America, this is where heritage lives. If you stand at the harbour you can close your eyes and imagine a time when it was brimming with fishing schooners. Visit Cabot Tower where military men guarded the shores in 1812, and Marconi made his first transmission across the Atlantic in 1901. From here you can look over the cliffs and watch the city’s Harbour and skyline spread out before you. We never did make the 90 minute hike from Battery Rd but it is on our list of the hundreds of things we have yet to do there.

Next post I will take you to Cape Spear, Ferryland and Brigus South (not to be confused with Brigus)

Lessons from a 5 year old

2008-07-09T12:23:00.003-04:00

We are settled in nicely to the new digs and slowly emerging from the mountain of boxes, furniture and stuff that we have accumulated over many years. The house has lots of room and we are really liking our new neighbours. There is a little boy next to us the same age as Aiden and he speaks very little English and Aiden speaks very little French but yet they manage to play together for hours, both speaking in their first language, neither understanding the words but are communicating beautifully somehow. It is something to behold. These 2 young boys are amazing. They have NO IDEA what the other is saying but are becoming fast friends despite this barrier.

It amazes me that as adults if we could not verbally communicate the interaction we would have would be minimal at best. The language police here in the National Capital Region could learn a lesson or 2 from this, but I digress.

Speaking of friends...my 20 year high school reunion is being held in NF this Saturday and am so nervous to see all the old faces. I was trying on different outfits last night asking Marc his opinion with the same ol' questions "does this make my ass look fat? do I look pregnant in this? do my boobs look too big?" It appears that the insecurities I had as an 18 year old still exist. I was fretting in front of the mirror and feeling very stressed about my appearance when my beautiful boy (who I didn't think was paying much attention to what was being said) stops playing his video game, peeks over and says "you are the prettiest mommy EVER!" With a lot of emphasis on the "ever" part.

As a parent it is assumed that I do the teaching and guiding but it is being brought to my attention every day that we have a brilliant life teacher in our family. He's only 4 feet tall, has trouble wiping his own butt and pronouncing the word 'breakfast' but he's teaching us very well.

The outfit has been decided on and am ok with it. It doesn't matter, regardless of what I wear, the best accessory I will carry with me are photos of my 2 babies and as I show them to my old mates I will feel like the most beautiful mommy EVER!!!

Dropping babies and hot sauce

2008-07-09T12:06:00.009-04:00

On Monday I took Marissa (aka Miss as Aiden calls her) for a walk in her stroller. Upon our return I was marveling at how happy and quiet she was and went to pick up her car seat (which is part of her stroller) and I instantly thought 'wow, this thing is light'. In a millisecond I realized why. My little 7 week old girl had tumbled out and landed face down on the hard wood floor. I scooped her up to quickly assess the damage that was done. She was screaming, I was crying, Aiden was completely unfazed and continued to take off his shoes and ask for something to eat.

I called TeleHealth and through my tears I managed to tell the nurse the situation. It was quickly determined she was fine, no marks, no blood, no bruising...PHEW. She was smiling and cooing softly before our conversation was over. Thank god that child is made of rubber.

I then proceeded to start dinner, opened the cupboard door and a full bottle of Franks Hot Sauce came hurtling out and smashed all over the floor. Now, for someone who has only ever had linoleum flooring having glass and ceramic meet in such a fashion was quite surprising. Because when I say smashed I mean this bottle was completely obliterated upon impact. I had glass and hot sauce the length of the main floor. I had a few choice words to yell as I felt my blood pressure rise and squeeze whatever area of my brain that controls the number of F bombs you drop when your children are present. It took 20 minutes and a full roll of paper towel to clean up. 2 days later I am still sweeping up small bits of glass.

Shortly after that our neighbour was outside with his little boy and Aiden wanted to go say hi. As he was running across the lawn he was yelling "mommy broke a bottle of red sauce and then said a bad word". I smiled, too tired to explain. Shut the door and then poured myself a glass of wine.

Life with a newborn baby girl

2008-06-16T11:41:00.007-04:00

Crazy! That has been our lives in the past few months....there is no other way to describe it. New house, new baby, new job(s) for Marc and the incredibly sad passing of Marc's grandmother. There are days when I feel like a zombie and other days where I am insanely happy. Extreme highs and lows, this is what it must feel like to be manic.

Marissa is now 4 weeks old and we are slowly getting to know her. We are getting to know the positions she likes to be held in and trying to decipher her cries. She has one cry that is like nothing I have heard before. We have named it the "hissing dragon". It's when she has herself really worked up and has cried herself hoarse. It's the cry we will do anything to avoid hearing. When she is really hungry and has latched on to the bottle she makes noises like a goose. That noise always gets a giggle out of all of us. It's the oddest thing. She is a tough audience and I have a really hard time getting her to smile despite my best attempts, although inanimate objects such as a picture on a wall or an oak banister have no trouble eliciting a big toothless grin from her. She adores her big brother and turns her head in search of his gorgeous face when she hears his voice. He can entertain her like no one else can and he has made up a wonderful song called "Don't Just Cry" for her. Inspired by her seemingly constant wailing. We all sing it now hoping that the toon will soothe her.

Despite the lack of sleep, the crying, the constant bottle making, the tight schedule that I have that seems to revolve around her, a hundred diaper changes a day and having no free time for myself..she's beautiful and she's all mine. No, you can't have her.

Finally....

2008-05-23T13:21:00.003-04:00

My beautiful little girl Marissa Caroline Plante has arrived. She was born on Sunday, May 18 at 10:30am and weighed in at a whopping 9lbs. Her birth was a truly wonderful experience. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Big brother Aiden is in love as is her daddy.

All good things come to those who wait - BITE ME!!

2008-05-15T11:26:00.005-04:00

Ok, I have been patient. I am excited and anxious to meet this little person, who is invading so much space in my belly. I have had the ultimate pleasure of putting all my energy into my son and myself this past week, which I have thoroughly enjoyed, BUT I am now 8 days overdue with a baby who is quickly running out of room and I am so, so very tired of swollen feet, heartburn, nausea and watching Dr.Phil. My patience is quickly depleting. Every overdue woman should come with warning labels. Mine would read: "CAUTION - Contents Under extreme Emotional Pressure"

I was at the hospital yesterday and my OB/GYN was on call. He did everything he could to get me admitted and induced but alas, it wasn't meant to be. A couple of nurses had called in sick and they were short staffed. How weird to think my baby's birthday was determined by 2 weak people who couldn't get their asses out of bed, suck it up and get to work! (I am pretty sure the sunny, warm day of 26 degrees had NOTHING to do with their...cough, cough...illnesses) Do you detect the bitterness and sarcasm???

Everyone from my neighbour to the clerk at the grocery store keep telling me how I should enjoy these last few days being pregnant and every time I hear it I want to stab them with a pencil. I have, I truly, truly have enjoyed this past week and a half. I love each kick and movement, I love knowing I am completely responsible for the health and safety of my baby, I love knowing how happy and comfortable he/she is, but seriously kid, GET OUT!!!

Happy Mothers Day to my amazing mommy!

2008-05-11T06:00:00.003-04:00

My mom is such an awesome wife, mom and grandma. She is a strong woman who stands behind the people she loves even when they don't deserve her loyalty. She dedicated many years to raising her 3 children and provided a safe and loving home for us. I know there were many things that she did that went unnoticed and that we never thanked her for.

During my teen years she was my best friend and confidante. I shared everything with her and knew no matter where I was or what was happening in my life, she was there. When I moved to the other side of the country, I knew she was only a phone call away. If I needed support, her voice was there giving advice. If I needed to be consoled she was there with a hug or a smile. If I needed money (which I did quite a bit) you can be sure it was deposited in my account the very next day.

There is no doubt she loves her children but she has such an incredible passion for her 6 (soon to be 7) grandchildren that it would be hard to match. They run to her when she comes for a visit and a 'how many more sleeps' countdown is needed when planning a trip to Grandma and Grandpa's. She never hesitates to play with them and she will stop whatever she's doing if her attention is being demanded and give it undivided. Hugs and kisses are a constant and they love her back just as equally. It is not unusual for her to have 3 or 4 of the kids follow her around from room to room like a mama duck and her ducklings. They are never too far from her side when they are together. The word "no" is rare in her vocabulary when it comes to them but when it is used it is only for their safety, or her sanity!

She has always been a wonderful role model as a dedicated and determined woman. At the age of 62 she decided to overcome her fear of water and learned to swim. 2 years later she is at the pool twice a week and now wants to learn to dive. Proving to me, and to a lot of people, it is never to late to try. I am very, very proud of my mom for doing this and I know will inspire me when I think I can't overcome something. She is inspirational.

I asked my son tonight to describe Grandma in one word. His response was simply 'love'. I agree. My mom is love and she is a woman who does so with all her heart. Her family and all that know her are blessed and I don't want this day to pass without giving her the credit she so rightfully deserves.

Thank you mom. Thank you for all those things that went unnoticed. Thank you for loving me.

"God could not be everywhere and therefore he created mothers"
- Jewish proverb

Still waiting...

2008-05-08T11:15:00.000-04:00

As predicted by my wonderful OB and as expected by me, I am now 1 day past my due date with baby #2. Aiden was 11 days late and I had to be induced so I am not holding my breath that this one will come on his/her own anytime soon.

As much as I would like to meet this little person, I am thoroughly enjoying spending a lot of quality time with my boy. We've had a lot of fun this past week and am really glad we have this time together. Before we know it all of our lives will be changed forever, for the best but changed.

None the less, I am very uncomfortable and am struggling with massive cankles and nausea. I am trying to remain patient and am debating on whether or not to go for a pedicure and massage tomorrow. Who knows when I will be able to do that again?? Also, this is the very last time I will ever be pregnant so I should be savouring every movement and kick I feel now because the end of it is quickly approaching. There is absolutely nothing like feeling your baby move inside you. Knowing that you are providing the safest environment they will ever know. Once they are out in the world they are exposed to so many things that you have no control over.

But still....I am hoping the next post will be introducing Aiden's sibling to the world. Keep those fingers crossed!

What the hell does that mean?

2008-04-27T08:56:00.000-04:00

A few people have asked me what the name of my blog means. It is Gaelic for "Redheads Forever"

As a child and on to my teen years I hated my red hair. I had always wanted a smooth flawless complexion free of freckles and one that tanned easily in the summer time. My mom always made a point of telling me how special and different I was, although as a young girl I only wanted to fit in with the sea of blonde and brunette girls in my school. I now understand what she meant.

As an adult, I love being a redhead. I love sticking out of the crowd and being different. I am constantly complemented on it (which helps ease the memories of being teased about it years ago) and other women pay a lot of money to get the colour and tone I have. Lucky for me, the first thing that attracted my husband to me was my hair. He loves redheads, mainly because they are different and perhaps a little mysterious.

I am sad when I look in the mirror and see the grey, knowing that one day my red will come from a bottle or will be completely grey, blending in with all the other grey hairs on seniors day at Wal-Mart, no longer standing out. And studies have shown that the gene that causes red hair is dying and that in another 100 years there will be no redheads left. I guess that makes me pretty damn special.

Some little known facts about us ginger haired peeps: In Denmark it is considered an honour to have a child with red hair. Ancient Greeks died their hair red to show courage. And my personal favourite, according to research, blondes may have more fun but redheads have more sex! This research shows that the fiery redhead certainly lives up to her reputation. You can buy t-shirts strictly for redheads and we were the favourite subject of 19th century British artists.

I believe now that I would be a completely different person had I been born with blonde or brown hair. I am very thankful that I was blessed with this hair colour. Red Heads forever!!

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall in love with a gorgeous redhead!"
-Lucille Ball

Q: Why didn't Indians scalp redheads??
A. They knew better.

Bad "Mood" Rising

2008-04-17T10:43:00.001-04:00

Bad moods suck!!! I am in another rotten mood again today. I can’t quite put my finger on why. But here’s a list of possible reasons:
1. The extra 40lbs I’m lugging around
2. I am having some severe ‘plumbing’ issues
3. I am being bent over by CMHC and their ridiculous mortgage insurance rates
4.Lack of a good night’s sleep for 3 weeks in a row
5. The approaching full moon
6. I miss wine
7. I am retaining water and have sausage toes
8. BECAUSE I AM DAMMIT!!!!

I’ve got to snap out of this….

Little Wonders

2008-04-16T09:42:00.000-04:00

It's picture day at school and my little guy was looking very handsome in his shirt and tie and spiked hair.

The morning was rushed, as usual, and my patience was being tested with so much going on in our lives. A new baby 3 weeks away from making an appearance, a house that is almost sold and one that is almost bought and the never ending foul mood and nausea I seem to be fighting these days.

I was trying to rush Aiden out the door with the daily rant of “mommy is going to be late for work” and me fully expecting him to understand the responsibilities adults have. He was his usual pokey self and my frustration was building. I was hurrying him to the car when he stopped and said, “Look mommy a birdie” I was so intent on getting him and the 3 bags I had in my hand in the car I almost missed it. The look of sheer joy on my little boys face as he watched a robin hopping along our driveway. In an instant my mood shifted and I just stood and soaked in the moment as he chatted away happily to this bird and was whispering ‘it’s ok, I wont’ hurt you’ hoping that the robin would come over to him for a quick scratch behind the wing.

I silently thanked God for flying this bird into our lives on a gorgeous spring morning. I needed Him to get my attention and to remind me of what a gift my sweet little boy is. A few minutes later the bird flew away in search for his breakfast no doubt. Aiden happily jumped in the car and off we went to start our day. Me in a much better mood and Aiden? Well, he had shifted his attention to a song on the radio and asked me to turn it up. He said "this is the song from that movie, remember mommy?" The song was Little Wonders by Rob Thomas from Meet the Robinsons. Yes, the universe was speaking to me this morning.

The girls swooned when he walked into his daycare shortly after. “Look, Aiden has a tie on. He looks like he’s going to marry someone” shouted one gorgeous little blond girl.

One day he will grow up, perhaps get married and have children of his own and these moments for me will be a faded memory. Today I am going to hold on to it as long as I can.

Happy Birthday Marc!

2008-04-10T11:56:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Marc!
Today my husband, Marc, turns 38. Out of those 38 I have loved him for about 18, that’s almost half his life (and mine)!

If I had to describe Marc in one word it would have to be “incredible’. He excels at anything he does, when he shows a true interest in it, whether it be work, guitar, sports or ski patrolling.

He is a true beer connoisseur, tempting his beer loving taste buds with a new or strange brew from every corner of the world is one of his favourite things to do. One of his many dreams is to open a micro brewery. Not a doubt in my mind that he would excel in that if given the chance.

He is a contented man when his beer glass is full and his Senators are winning, so easy to please.

He loves good wine and good food. He has an open mind when it comes to both.

He has a passion for movies and music. He loves his guitars and although he's only been playing for 1 and 1/2 years he has excelled in that as well. In another life he will likely be a movie critic or a rock star.

He is an excellent cook. There is nothing he’s made in the kitchen that I haven’t loved to eat.

He loves his friends, especially the ones he’s had since his wild and crazy youth. He is like a little kid when the first weekend in August roles around. This is Navan Fair and it is like a mini high school reunion every year. Marc and his friends plan this weekend like it’s a life event.

He loves his family, as most men should. To him family is what is most important in this life and strives to remain as close to them as possible. He has embraced my family as his own and truly loves them too.

He is an incredible father, loving his little boy, who is so much like him, with such passion it amazes me at times. Patient, gentle and kind, taking the time to play with him every day; he hugs and kisses him as often as he can. The words ‘I love you’ slide easily off his tongue when telling it to his baby boy. He feels no shame or embarrassment when doing so, as some fathers would. Yelling it to him down the street some mornings as he walks to the bus stop, not caring who hears. His pride for his son is not something he can contain, nor does he feel he should. I love him more for it.

Marc is the most amazing husband any woman could have, loving, giving, and caring. He is incredibly loyal to me and so dependable that he makes me feel like the luckiest woman on earth every single day.

He is sexy as hell and our time together is never dull. I have not grown tired of kissing this man in the 18 years we’ve been together; he is one of the best. I hope that never changes. He makes me feel loved and beautiful when I am beating myself up over some perceived physical or personality flaw. Loving me despite (or for?) my imperfections.

He is incredibly funny and instantly liked by others when they meet him. He sat across from me on our first official date and made me laugh so much my sides hurt. I instantly knew I had to keep this guy in my life, no one had made me laugh like that before. His humour and his way with words have gotten him out of the most precarious situations.

He wants to make a difference in this world. He is striving to do that through his work and through his son. And he will, remember he excels at everything he does.

I love and appreciate him so much that sometimes it is hard to express that depth in words. I hope he knows it.

Happy birthday my love.

Don't judge this book by it's cover

2008-04-04T10:39:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to read. When I was pregnant with my first I turned all my reading attention to parenting books. I furiously gathered books that had anything to do with pregnancy and raising babies, sleeping, discipline, survival the first year…you name it, I was probably reading it. I was a walking ‘How-to-be-a-parent’ library. I was terrified of being under-prepared, so naturally, I over-prepared.

With this pregnancy, I haven’t read much of anything except maybe a few easy read fiction novels or some nutrition labels. Whenever I find myself face to face with some major 4-year-old dilemma, I often think, I’d probably handle this better if I’d just read a book on it. And then I google it and read up on how to handle it the next time. Kicking myself in the arse for the way I originally handled it.

Last night I came across an old parenting book and started skimming the pages and in an instant I became a "I am so prepared for this baby" mother to a "Holy sweet mother of God, how the hell am I going to do this" mother. All the old insecurities I felt 5 years ago came rushing back.

Would my children hate me later in life for the way I handled a temper tantrum? Or what about that time I let him/her cry it out? (Although that only lasted mere minutes). Will they end up on a psychiatrists couch as an adult because I let them sleep in the bed with us? Will they judge me forever and a day for putting them in daycare at such a young age? OMG, I thought, I am going to fail as a parent!! I may as well just throw in the towel now...

Ok...so I over reacted (surprise, surprise). Nothing beats you down & builds you back up quite like being a mom (or a dad) does. Children don't come with an instruction manual and maybe I’d be better off if I stopped looking for one.

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step

2008-03-31T12:15:00.000-04:00

I don't normally get on a soap box about any topic but I have to get this off my chest.

This past Saturday held the first Earth Hour. Some people embraced the idea seeing it as a positive step towards change. Others, whom I will refer to as the 'cynics' were far less supportive. It was turning off lights for one hour on a Saturday evening, I mean , really, does it get any easier than that??

We sat around in candlelight with family and had a great conversation that may not have taken place with the lights on. I know we did not have any major impact on climate change by doing this but hopefully we showed our son that we were making an effort to make a change and that these small changes can make a difference. This is the world that he and his brother or sister are going to inherit after all and because of that I am more environmentally conscience than I have ever been. My husband and I try to do little things everyday that make a difference in our household and hopefully, the earth.

"What difference will it make" another cynic said to me....well I want to know what does doing nothing accomplish? The one hour turning your lights off was really just symbolic to help raise awareness and that, my friends, is what makes the difference. All these little changes will make a difference if people participated more and complained less. The cynic at CBC who referred to Earth hour as a bandwagon is an idiot and only needlessly adds to this negative attitude.

Now that Earth Hour is over, we can all become more pro-active in making a change. Turn off those lights, turn down the heat, leave your car at home when you can walk, reduce, re-use and recycle every day, demand less packaging and better waste management from manufacturers. These are all just 'little' things but if we all did these 'little' things it would have a huge impact on our environment and we would make a difference.

There...I have stepped off the soap box.

Learning from our mistakes

2008-03-28T09:05:00.000-04:00

My husband and I have always put our son's health and safety above anything, as most parents do. There was one mistake about 3 years ago that we made and I wonder where where my mothers instincts were and why they didn't kick in.

Our soon to be 5 year old son was diagnosed with asthma around the age of 2. He only needs his puffer when he has a chest cold, when he's been around animals (especially dogs) and, in rare circumstances, when he's very active. When he was diagnosed, his pediatric allergist provided us with a puffer and a prescription for Singulair. We were told it was very safe and effective for treating asthma, especially in children. My husband who suffered from asthma for years remembers lying in bed as a kid, not able to breath enough air into his young lungs and being absolutely terrified, thinking he was going to die. Neither of us wanted our son to have to go through this, and so, putting way too much trust in a doctor's advice, we put him on it immediately, thinking we were doing the best for our son. He wasn't treated with it for very long and I wasn't a bit surprised today when I read this.

He was on it for 2 weeks and in that time we watched our loving, sweet, happy little boy who had a perma-grin on 24/7 turn into a sad, sullen little boy who was starting to be very physically aggressive towards his daycare friends. He woke up from nightmares and was very quick to react in anger and with tears, which was very rare for him. It was heartbreaking to watch this change in personality and I started to think if it was the Singulaire doing this to him.

One morning, after a particularly rough night and morning with my son, I called our pharmacist and asked if this could have anything to do with the medicine. He advised us to stop giving it to him immediately and speak with his doctor. Not only did we stop giving it to him we told his allergist that we would never be giving it to our son again. He told us that he didn't think our decision was wise and that his asthma would probably get worse. We still refused to continue with this line of treatment and were willing to risk any alternative. As far as we were concerned keeping him on this drug was a detriment to his mental health and could do more long term damage to him than an asthma attack ever could.

I started to do some research on the net and found a few blogs of parents who believed this drug should be pulled from the shelves because it has done the same thing to their child with no mention of it on the side effects information sheet that comes with the prescription. There was also mention that some parents believe it is linked to autism.

We certainly don't regret getting him off that drug. The change back to his normal self was instantly noticed and literally overnight we had our sweet, cuddly, funny little boy back. Although he still has asthma we treat it with prevention, education and his puffer. We talk about it with him and answer all is questions in a way he understands. He is very aware of the fact he has asthma and asks for his inhaler when he needs it.

If we are supposed to learn from our mistakes than I got one hell of an education on dolling out prescription medication to my son without doing research on it first.

I'm so sorry baby.

To sell or not to sell....

2008-03-26T10:52:00.000-04:00

That is the question...The answer is: SELL!! After much thought and debate the old man and I have decided to go ahead and sell our 2 bedroom house and upgrade to one with 3 bedrooms to accommodate our growing family.

It took a lot of convincing but I have finally relented. The Husband has a lot of good arguments and I now agree with him. (He comes from a line of very convincing relatives and they all have a way of swaying you to their side).

So, in preparation of getting our house on the market, I have been purging a lot of stuff that I have in storage in each closet, cupboard and box in our house. Each thing I came across I became very aware of the fact that I am a pack rat, much like my dad I hold emotional attachment to things. I had a huge box FULL of all the art that my son has done since he was 11 months old. That is when he started going to daycare and art was a big part of his day, still is 4 years later actually. Anyway, I found a piece of paper with 1 line made with a green crayon...then there was a another piece of paper with 1 smiley face sticker on it. I smiled and then said goodbye to it as I tossed it in the huge pile I had going for recycling. No tears shed or hemming and hawing over what I should keep and what I should throw away. My husband was very proud of me. Had my dad been with me he would have said "Why would you want to throw that away?"

So, that's that. The decision made and I feel ok about it...for now. Come moving day I am sure I will be a mess. I will have to say goodbye to the first home my hubby and I have ever owned, my garden that I stressed over for 5 years, the place that we brought our first born home, where he learned to walk and talk, the corner of his room where I rocked him to sleep; the marks on the door frame where I've measured him (he is growing so fast!). It will most likely be the place we call home when our 2nd child is born. We will have to say goodbye to the aunt who lives right next door and has been a god send on several occassions, our deck that we are so proud of and a great place to hang out on a warm summers night with drinks and friends....or just drinks.

Every inch of that house, inside and out, holds a memory for me and the vast majority of them are wonderful. But I do know that there will be another house with even more rooms to make wonderful memories in.

The crazy plant lady neighbour we have certainly won't be disappointed to see us go....but that is another story about a dog, a fence and a couple of ass faces.

Happy St.Patty's Day!

2008-03-17T09:19:00.000-04:00

Happy St Patty's Day everyone! I can't let this day pass without a 'shout out' to my Irish peeps in Newfoundland. Newfoundland has a very rich history with the Irish and is the only Canadian province where the day is a holiday.
What a shame!

It is estimated that about 80% of Newfoundlanders have Irish ancestry on at least one side of their family tree. The family names, the features and colouring, the predominant Catholic religion, the prevalence of Irish music – even the accents of the people – are so reminiscent of rural Ireland that Irish author Tim Pat Coogan has described Newfoundland as "the most Irish place in the world outside of Ireland".

Newfoundland is the only place outside Europe with its own distinctive name in the Irish language, Talamh an Éisc, literally "Land of the Fish" but meaning "the Fishing Ground".

There are many Irish-derived English words that still form a vital element of the island's vocabulary. Have a look at The prestigious Dictionary of Newfoundland English, an invaluable guide to interpreting the 'language' when in Newfoundland.

I am so proud to be from that beautiful province and highly reccomend every Canadian go visit this part of their country. Especially on St.Patty's Day where they say if you can't make it to the Emerald Isle itself, this is the next best place to celebrate!

Boy or girl?

2008-03-13T12:26:00.000-04:00

I am just over 32 weeks pregnant and had my bi-weekly ob/gyn appt this morning. The heart rate was 156 and my uterus is measuring 31 weeks and his/her head is down and has taken "the position". I was excited when the dr. told me this and thought that meant I could go into labour sooner than expected. No such luck she said, I am going to have to wait for this one. The burning question that I have now is whether or not this little one has an extra appendage.

As I was sitting at my desk, when I returned from the appointment, I was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming desire to know what the sex is. I suddenly felt like I am not prepared enough and that I am doing some kind of disservice to this baby by not having his or her things lovingly put away in the closet and room decorated in the appropriate colour for gender like I did with my first. I remember how I would go into the room that I had prepared for my son (months before he was born) and stare at the empty crib and try to imagine what it would be like to have a baby lying in there. Sometimes I would put a newborn outfit down on the crib mattress and dreamt about how amazing becoming a mom would be.

So after this panic attack, I thought of my son, now almost 5 years old and the absolute love of my life. He doesn't remember that his room was ready the day he came home from the hospital or even know how everything was put in it's place or how I stared down at the crib and imagined him. But he is loved beyond anything I could imagine by his daddy and me. This baby will be too, regardless of whether or not a space in our house is decorated and set up to welcome him or her home.

I am already head over heels in love with this little person who keeps me awake at night with a game affectionately called 'kick the bladder' and I can't wait to start this next chapter in our lives.

The room may not be ready, but I am.

Oh me Nerves

2008-03-07T10:56:00.000-05:00

As they say in Newfoundland..."oh me nerves!" Nervous...that's how I'm feeling these days. Ok, I am naturally nervous about things like global warming, the environment, the war in Iraq and the election south of the border but the things I am REALLY nervous at this very moment are really quite simple.
1. Nervous about having baby #2
2. Nervous that his/her room is not ready and probably won't be before he/she makes an appearance
3. Nervous for my coworkers who have not found a replacement for me for my mat leave and we have such a heavy workload at the moment
4. Nervous that I will never get the body back that I worked so hard for before I got pregnant
5. Nervous about starting this blog and that I am going to suck at it.

This can't be good for the baby can it?