The lent challenge

I swear....a lot sometimes. Most of the time I don't even know it until the words are out of my mouth. It's a very bad habit and seems to be getting worse lately. I have been swearing for as long as I can remember. They are after all just words right?

Well, I guess they can be ugly but can be fun to say and aid with a tone of story or a joke. But with little ears around I have to be careful. No one will think it's very cute when my little girl drops an F bomb as a first word or when asking for Cheerios.

Aiden asked what Lent was on Monday morning and when I explained it (as best I could in my non-practicing Catholic way) I included how people give up things they like or kick a bad habit for 40 days leading up to Easter.

We headed out for school and imagine my dismay when I realized all the {insert expletive here} doors were frozen shut. I couldn't get in. If I couldn't get in my very well planned day could not begin and well, that just couldn't happen. And Mondays always come with bags that have to be loaded into the car. So with a baby in a car seat, diaper bag, gym bag, school bag and a bag with Aiden's sleep stuff in it and my son standing next to me I started to swear...first very midly and then the heavy artillery came out. In fear Aiden was thinking I was angry with him I kept reassuring him that I wasn't and that it was the situation that was frustrating. I know, mother of the year award.

I finally managed to get the passenger side door open and had to load the car seat and Aiden in through this way which was not easy with a 40lb car seat. I crawled over to the drivers side when I realized I left all those bags in the driveway...{insert expletive here}. I crawled back out through the passenger door and grabbed the bags and started reefing on the drivers side door. It popped open, I felt vindicated. Finally, things were looking up. Until I realized I had broken the door. It wouldn't close and when I did get it closed I couldn't open it. {insert expletive here}. Those nasty words were spilling out of my mouth when Aiden covered his ears and very calmly said, "mom, stop saying those bad words" Ahhhh, there it is. The shame that only a mother can feel when her child couldn't be more right and the parent more wrong. It washed over me.

I immediately apologized to Aiden for my behaviour and I promised him I would never use those words in front of him again. He suggested that I give up saying bad words for Lent. I agreed.

So there it is, my love of swearing is no more for the next 40 days and perhaps even for good. I am going not only going to clean up my vocabulary I am going to improve it. I am going to read more perhaps some poetry and sign up for a word a day and learn it's pronunciation, origin and meaning.

Words can be pretty powerful so I'm going to learn new ones and share them with Aiden. I will make him proud.

Love, love, love...sigh

February 13, 2000..that was THEE day. The day most girls dream of. The one I had only hoped for. The one I waited 9 years for. The day I was asked to be Marc's bride. His wife.

I remember the day as vividly as if it happened yesterday. Marc always said that when he proposed he would never do it on a date that it was expected. So I knew Christmas, New Years, Valentines and my birthday were out. Being the day before Valentines I never suspected...not even for a second.

We were enjoying a perfect day at Winterlude. Snow was softly falling. Marc was taking pics for his photography course he was taking at school. He took some gorgeous shots. (None of which are framed but should be.) We laughed, ate Beavertails, threw money in the eternal flame on Parliament Hill and made a wish. We enjoyed this perfect day. Marc with a custom made diamond Claddagh ring in his pocket, waiting for that "perfect" moment to pop the question. Looking back, there was a dozen "perfect" moments.

The moment he chose was in my parents driveway as we arrived for dinner later that day. I said I needed something from my bag in the trunk. The trunk opened and as I searched for what I needed, it happened.

Marc: So...what did you wish for today at the Eternal Flame?

Me: Marc, you know what I wished for

Marc: Did you wish for world peace?

Me: Nope (Although that is a truly honourable wish and no amount of money is wasted on hoping for this)

Marc: Did you wish I would get a snowmobile? (He had been wanting one for some time)

Me: Nope

Marc (as he pulled out that beautiful ring I wear proudly on my left hand): Did you wish I would ask you to be my wife?

There it was. The moment, the question I had been waiting for for as long as I had known him. The reaction that I had always imagined would happen was replaced with hiccups and sobs. I couldn't breathe. My heart hurt. My head spun. I couldn't find the one word that I thought would be so easy to say.

But I did say it, of course. I don't remember saying it but it doesn't matter. I remember the question.

And the item I was searching for in the trunk right before he asked? A tampon. Yup, a tampon.

Marc remembered me telling him once in a conversation that I wanted my parents to be the first to know when I got engaged. So as we arrived for dinner he wanted to honour that.

There was a dozen "perfect" moments that day when he could have asked as we drank hot chocolate and strolled hand in hand in a winter wonderland. But none more perfect than the one he chose.