Boy or girl?

I am just over 32 weeks pregnant and had my bi-weekly ob/gyn appt this morning. The heart rate was 156 and my uterus is measuring 31 weeks and his/her head is down and has taken "the position". I was excited when the dr. told me this and thought that meant I could go into labour sooner than expected. No such luck she said, I am going to have to wait for this one. The burning question that I have now is whether or not this little one has an extra appendage.

As I was sitting at my desk, when I returned from the appointment, I was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming desire to know what the sex is. I suddenly felt like I am not prepared enough and that I am doing some kind of disservice to this baby by not having his or her things lovingly put away in the closet and room decorated in the appropriate colour for gender like I did with my first. I remember how I would go into the room that I had prepared for my son (months before he was born) and stare at the empty crib and try to imagine what it would be like to have a baby lying in there. Sometimes I would put a newborn outfit down on the crib mattress and dreamt about how amazing becoming a mom would be.

So after this panic attack, I thought of my son, now almost 5 years old and the absolute love of my life. He doesn't remember that his room was ready the day he came home from the hospital or even know how everything was put in it's place or how I stared down at the crib and imagined him. But he is loved beyond anything I could imagine by his daddy and me. This baby will be too, regardless of whether or not a space in our house is decorated and set up to welcome him or her home.

I am already head over heels in love with this little person who keeps me awake at night with a game affectionately called 'kick the bladder' and I can't wait to start this next chapter in our lives.

The room may not be ready, but I am.