I don't deserve my kids

That is what I thought as I watched Aiden running towards me when I picked him up from school. Cheeks red from playing with his familiar grin on his face. He was very excited to tell me about his latest bug discovery. I had heard all about the blood sucker and the biting 'angry' ants a few days ago. This day he had discovered the Snapper.

"What's a Snapper" I asked
"Well, it's a scary looking bug that opens it's mouth really big and snaps you" he said while demonstrating the actions.

I laughed, mostly because my nick name used to be Big Red Snapper. It takes on a whole new meaning for me now.

I watched a very sad Oprah yesterday about a mom who made a huge mistake that ultimately left her in this world without her baby. I was holding Marissa and thanked god for the health of my kids. And thought how lucky are we to have these 2 beautiful beings in our lives. How lucky are we to have glimpses of heaven every day. Here is a sample of this weeks glimpses.

1. I woke up every morning (a blessing in itself) to the sweetest smile from my daughter. A smile that she reserves just for me.
2. Made Marissa laugh out loud with belly zurberts and tickles.
3. Cuddled with Aiden at bedtime and told him stories of when he was 'little'. We both almost fell out of bed we laughed so hard. I went to sleep that night with my heart singing.
4. Took part in a 'sandwich' hug initiated by my favourite little guy.
5. Read a book to them. Holding one in each arm. I didn't want to let them go even when my arms were numb. Breathing in their sweet smell and imprinting it into my memory.
6. Went for a walk in the hood and watched Marc and Aiden race. Marc was excited when he won and eager to try again when he didn't.
7. Felt my heart swell with pride when Aiden told the truth about something he had lied about. The 5 year old fear of disappointment and punishment clear on his face. He did the right thing anyway knowing the risks.
8. Held my little girl in my arms and soothed her when her cold and stuffed up nose was too much for her. The way she looked and smiled at me let me know she was happiest right where she was.
9. Watched Aiden entertain his sister with just a sweatshirt. She is his biggest fan and he revels in his ability to make her laugh like no one else can.
10. Watch my son at swimming lessons beaming with pride when he accomplished the front crawl. Then turn to us with 2 thumbs up and a "did you see me?" I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else in the world than right there, in that moment.
11. Later at a celebratory pizza dinner he tells us that he loves his sister the most in the world. I hope that love is always there, especially when we are gone.

I try and take a snapshot of our life each day and engrave it into my heart. I am so conscious of the limited time I have with them before they grow up and friends inevitably take over their lives as they gain more independence away from us.

I love being a mom. My children give me the greatest joy I have ever known. They are my heart, my life. I often wonder how I am going to inevitably screw them up.

These 2 creatures that came screaming into my life are just too good for me. But I thank god for giving them to me anyway.